While, generally, the ethics of marriage is in agreement by a majority of Christians, the ethics of divorce is more difficult to discern. Divorce is the dissolving of marriage by a legal or customary decree and derived from the Latin divortium meaning “to separate.” Divorce differs from an annulment in that the attempted marriage was never a true marriage, and therefore invalid by the laws of society.
Divorce rates continue to be on the rise in the United States since the 1960’s, and each year we hear the claims that half of all married couples eventually end up in court. While these numbers aren’t actually accurate, nevertheless, they are extremely high and the consequences of these decisions end up affecting children the most.
In the United States, divorce has increased from four hundred thousand in 1962 to well over 1.2 million after 1980 and now has the highest rate of any modern society. The generations before the 1960’s have remained faithful while those during the next several decades have reached rates above forty percent. In Western culture before the late 60’s, just cause was usually required to obtain a divorce which meant showing that the spouse had done something wrong and therefore, allowed the couple to separate. In 1969, California became the first state to legalize no-fault divorce which meant that if either one or both spouses were dissatisfied, that was enough to meet the requirements to get a divorce. By the early 1980’s, all fifty states had some version of a no-fault divorce which peaked to 5.3 divorces per 1000 people.
The dominant early church view, by Augustine, gave permission for divorce only on the grounds of adultery. However, even for Augustine this did not break the marriage bond. This view was also endorsed by the Carthage in 407. In 1164 there was a recognition of the “seven sacraments” to include marriage and in 1564, The Council of Trent made the indissolubility of marriage a matter of faith. The moderate view of divorce progressed via the The Protestant Reformation but full divorce was not recognized until 1857. In 1970 the modern Roman Catholic Church began recognizing psychological grounds for annulment, believes the marriage bond to be dissolved, and does not allow civil divorces to remarry unless the former marriage has been declared annulled. This differs from many other countries that have the lowest divorce rates where the Roman Catholic Church does not allow divorce for any reason.
God had a design for the marriage union and divorce was never intended to play a role. God created marriage to be monogamous, one man for one woman with the intentions that they both keep their vows until death. Marriage is sacred and therefore, not to be profaned by divorce. However, this relationship by marriage does not carry on after death, but only while here on Earth. Though a divorce is never justifiable, there are circumstances where it is permissible and always forgiveable.
Scripture shows that a marriage is between a male and a female, involves a sexual union and is a covenant before God. Though not obligatory, sexual infidelity or desertion by an unbelieving spouse makes it morally permissible and should always be seen as a last resort after all attempts to reconcile have been exhausted.
There can be no doubt on what Scripture has to say about marriage. It is abundantly clear that marriage was to be a permanent relationship between a man and a woman for their remaining days as bound in a “one-flesh” relationship while here on Earth. This is seen in Genesis 2:24:
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, and they become a new family.
Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are from the New English Translation
Additional support for the union as well as the dissolution of it is found in Matt. 19:6:
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
While the issue occurs frequently in the Old Testament, no-where’s is divorce established or condoned by God, rather, it was simply tolerated by Hebrew law. God never intended for divorce to be part of His plan for marriage. This is evident in Mal. 2:16:
I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and the one who is guilty of violence,” says the LORD who rules over all. “Pay attention to your conscience, and do not be unfaithful.
Neither is divorce permitted for any and all purposes. In fact, Jesus was asked this very question in Matthew 19:9 where He explicitly answered:
Now I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another commits adultery.
In Rom 7:1-3 and 1 Cor 7:39, Jesus teaches that widows and widowers may remarry and in Matthew 22:23-30, Jesus corrects the Sadducees by teaching them that death does break the marriage bond and in verse 30 we see that marriage does not carry on into eternity:
For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 is crucial because of the discussion on divorce that Jesus had with the Pharisees. It is often misinterpreted in saying that Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of peoples hearts. This however is not the case. What Moses did was give protection to the wife from a husband having an affair with the possibility of taking back a wife afterwards. This practice was apparently quite common at the time and therefore commanded that a husband that divorced his wife and married another was not allowed to return to his first wife. Feinberg attributes a correct interpretation on this from Luck:
He claims that we must see this passage within the context of Deut 23:15–24:7. All the other laws in these verses attempt to protect a disadvantaged party from abuse by an advantaged one. The function of Deut. 24:1-4 is to protect a woman from a hard-hearted man who divorces her without cause. The passage prohibits her remarriage to such a man so that she would not be treated like a piece of chattel property that could be passed back and forth for the use of one man and then another.
Feinberg, John S., Feinberg, Paul D. Ethics for a Brave New World. Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, Good News Publishers. 2010. Pg. 599.
While a divorce initially seems like it will solve problems in the short-term, it also creates problems once God’s design has been forsaken in the long-run. Children, families and other relationships will experience consequences and often leave scars that are not easily healed.
The emotional trauma from a divorce shows that teens suffer the most and are more likely to engage in premarital sex, use alcohol, tobacco and drugs. A breakup of the family usually leads to rejection, loneliness, and impaired academic achievements. Studies have also shown that thirty-seven percent of children in a post-divorce family are intensely unhappy and dissatisfied with life and even those that appeared to be coping well were lonely and sorrowful of the divorce that had taken place.
There can be no question, God hates divorce. Sinful human attitudes and behaviors lead to the dissolving of marriages. Just because two people love each other doesn’t mean a marriage will succeed. Marriages are difficult and require an abundant amount of effort from both spouses. Upon such and investment of time, such efforts are worth it. Feinberg advises the following:
Rather than getting oneself into a situation where you don’t know whether you have a right to divorce or remarry, or finding yourself in an abusive situation, why not expend the effor it takes (and it does take a lot) to make your marriage work in the first place? God will honor efforts of spouses to live in accord with his original intention that marriages should be permanent!
Feinberg, John S., Feinberg, Paul D. Ethics for a Brave New World. Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, Good News Publishers. 2010. Pg. 633.
Marriages are no doubt difficult and normally strained, but even where a spouse has committed porneia or abandonment, reconciliation is still possible and preferred. In closing, Fienberg asks:
Feinberg, John S., Feinberg, Paul D. Ethics for a Brave New World. Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, Good News Publishers. 2010. Pg. 633.
May God grant that we shall seek ways to heal troubled marriages instead of pursuing grounds for rendering them asunder!